KOALA'S BATTLE AGAINST PR0NZ

So my brother likes to look at porn at the computer. Which isn't really shocking because he IS a MALE, right? But it's just a bit unnerving to know that I sit in the same chair in which my brother wanks it in. Not only the same chair, but he touches the fucking mouse AND keyboard. LIKE WTF KEEP YOUR PERSONAL JUICES TO YOURSELF AND WHICHEVER HOBAG YOU DECIDE TO BANG! Besides the spermie germies, the pr0nz gives the computer viruses and trojans. Heehee ... Trojans XD Aren't Trojans supposed to stop you from catching things? ... Okay, sorry for the lame word-play, assholes.

Anyway, there was less pr0nz watching on the net once I had a conversations letting him know my suspicions that my grandfather was looking at the porn because I had checked the history. He agreed with me and said that our grandfather did look at porn. I read him some names of the websites, explaining how I knew it was porn WITHOUT actually having to actually go to the site. He tried to get me to click on some of the sites but I was like FUCK NO. What a dumbass, like I'm actually going to click some shit called 'blowjobs.com' or 'hotassandtits.com.'

Since these dumbasses look at porn at the computer it fucked it up. It was running very slow and there was six trojans on it. After having to listen to my grandfather bitch about the computer go slow I told him it was because people visit 'bad sites.' Not sure if he understood this or not, but I didn't want to say PR0NZ in front of my grandmother because she is freaking weird and probably would have thrown holy water (or water heated on the stove -- oh wait she's already done that one to me) on me and tell me not so nicely that I was going to hell JUST for saying porn. 

After getting all the trojans cleared off the computer -- and also after throwing much drama about it with my super awesome acting skills -- the two suspects ceased their porn viewing activities, for about a week. The computer started lagging up again. So I run the clean up program and discovers I gots some adware and one trojan, oh joy. Ever since my brother discovered how to clear the history I had removed the history icon from the top of the tool bar, so now he can't clear it at all, I are genius. Okay, back to the story ... I'm like WTF IS UP WITH THIS SHIT?! WHO'S BEEN LOOKING AT PR0NZ?! I check the history -- remember I are genius and I still know how to check it even with the icon removed -- and I see some of those sites with those ever so lovely names which would not make you think it was porn [/sarcasm].

While I was scrolling down the list to check the names of the sites I had accidentally clicked on one. OH SHIT I guess that's what I get for actually click the down arrow rather than using the scrolly thinger in the middle of the mouse. I hadn't realized it though until the page was like up and I was like OH FUCK WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS?! OMG I'M SO STUPID I ACCIDENTLY CLICKED ONE OF THE THINGS INSTEAD OF THE ARROW AH SHIIIIIIT. Because the shit is JUST THERE and there was no avoiding looking at it and I had seen it my next thought was something like, 'Oh hey, is that two chicks with dicks or is a dude with tits? OH SHIT WHO THE FUCK IS LOOKING AT TRANNIES?!'

After that, I just closed out of explorer, I don't want to know the names of other sites or accidentally click on anymore shit. No offense to transvestites, but it was just weird knowing that my brother or my grandfather (SHIT YOU ARE MARRIED! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FAITHFUL BECASUE GOD SAYS SO!!!)  was looking at some dick, be it natural or man-constructed. It does not make sense because I know my brother is homophobic.

My grandfather may or not be homophobic ... I mean the man was on the wrestling team in high school, he's rather quite proud of it too. He would always be like, 'I was one the football and wrestling team and I was popular in high school. Which of course I reply with, 'You WERE, that's in the past. It doesn't matter in the future what you were in high school. I also think wrestling is gay. I don't see what's so straight about two guys that are half naked in spandex and groping each other.' This would piss him off, and also shut him up, and that left me free to make my escape out of the room and back to my side of the house.

The same day I found the trannies I ask my brother about it, to which he totally denied it being him. I don't think it was my grandfather because he said he stopped looking at those sites. So, to find the real culprit I placed a password on the computer. At first my grandfather was really pissed off about it because he'd have to have me log him in. My grandmother was also pissed off because you know, she has important things to do and very important matters which require the use of a computer, and that would be ... playing solitaire. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WOMAN YOU PLAY A FUCKING CARD GAME YOU CAN DO THAT WITH A FUCKING DECK OF CARDS YOU DON'T NEED THE COMPUTER!!! She was really mad about it, she threatened to cut off the electricity in my side of the house if I didn't log her into the computer, which I had never even said that I wasn't. I was actually in the process of logging her onto the computer. But she was too mad and stormed out into another room. Whatever lady, you got your time slot jacked, my computer time now.

The next after I put the password in I had to explain to my grandmother why I put the password on, because people were looking at 'bad sites.' I told her that I think it's my brother and not to let him on. After about three weeks of the password in place, and the computer being brotherless, I saw no more porn sites in the history. I think I solved the tranny mystery, it was my brother.

Know this, and being the bitch that I am, I have to ask him about the trannies. One day while he was at the computer, and it looked like he was getting ready to look at porn too because he had headphones, I asked him if he looked at chicks with dicks or guys with boobs. I was telling him about how I found the tranny site and my thoughts that it was probably guys with boobs. From his reactions I'm assuming he never thought of the possibility of the chicks being guys. He just told me that it was our grandfather that was looking at it. Then I was asking him if he would like it if his ex-girlfriend had a dick. He was telling me that I was sick and that I didn't know what I was talking about and told me to leave. I asked him, 'Why should I leave? So you can look at guys with tits? You really like that? It's okay if you like that. I just thought you wouldn't because you don't like gay people. It's basically the same as looking at gay porn. Because if it's girls with dicks that means they want to be guys. That means you're looking at two guys go at it. Then if it's guys with tits, well they're still guys, but they have tits.' He got the idea I wasn't leaving so he left. I ARE WINNAH!!