Today I was supposed to start my first day of work at the amusement park of hell. Said amusement park is actually full of amusement and shit but I'm sure I will soon dub it "amusement park of hell" once I actually start working there. I have only had two days of orientation on the 1st and 2nd of thise month and I already hate the place. I hate it because I am extremely fucking shallow.
The last time I went to this amusement park was back in 2004 during Spring Break. That fucker was so croweded that I didn't even notice what the fuck the employees wear. If I had known that the damn uniform consisted of beige pants I would have never applied to this god forsaken place. I made a promise to myself to never work at a place that required me to wear beige pants. Whoever was the first person to use the color beige in a textile needs to be brought back to life -- because I'm sure they're dead -- and killed again one-hundred times over.
It's a sad thing because a lot of companies do require beige pants. I don't know why. It's a fucking ugly color so I don't know why it's used so much. I guess the good thing is that I don't have to wear white pants. Although, white pants do look much better than beige pants but I would never wear white pants. Actually, I don't even wear white blouses. The last time I worse a white blouse was five years ago when I was in junior high band. Nothing wrong with white clothing, I just prefer to avoid because that shit can get all kinds of fucked up.
That's only one of the reasons why I hate this job, the fucking pants. Next reason, the fucking shirt. This year the amusement park of hell changed their shirts from a nice lovely blue color to some fucking hightlighter yellow. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking that I'm exaggerating the hell out of that shit and it cannot possibly be
highlighter yellow. I shit you not. It is fucking hightlighter yellow. It's a fucking sick and ugly highlight yellow. If I turned off the lights that shit would glow in the dark. It's so bright and it's got that sickly neon green undertone to it. Just thinking about it makes me want to hurl.
During orientation we were told that they changed the shirts from blue to fucking. highlighter. yellow. because they received complaints from park visitors that they could not find any employees to ask for help. That is truly a perfect example of, "It takes one person to ruin it for everyone." Thanks to the douche bag vistors of the theme park that did not bother to open up their fucking map, and did not lern2reed said fucking map, you have around 3,000 employees doomed to fucking shirts the color of highlighter yellow. I bet someone bitches about how the shirt is too bright and the sun reflected off of the shirt and blinded them or some shit. I'm not lying about that either. That shit casts off a fucking nasty ass yellow glow and I'm sure it has a lot to do with the type of meterial it's made from. I'm not even sure what that material is, but it has to be some synthetic crap.
There's one more extra thing about the shirts that makes them so unbearable. The back of the shirt just makes everything worse. The park is really big on family and crap -- I just think they're trying to compete with Disneyland -- and they want to provide a safe and clean environment. They're really big on the clean part, they totally have this gay motto that goes, "Don't pass it up, pick it up." As employess, no matter you're department, if you see a piece of trash you need to stop everything you're doing and pick it up. No complaints there, I like clean shit so I'm not complaining about that. The thing that I do have a problem with though is the fact that the back of the shirt looks like this:
Yeah, the shirt looks more green because I took the picture with my cellphone. At least you can see what I'm talking about when I mentioned the sick, ugly, green undertone of the highlighter yellow. You fuckers are lucky I only have a cellphone because that shit is BRIGHT. The shit that got cut off was a little trash can and the universal no-smoking sign.
That's basically my main beef with the uniforms and why I hate my job so much already. There's just a couple other things but I'll try to explain it in as few words as possible because this shit is already tl;dr, but you guys love that. The other thing I hate is this no-smoking button we have to wear. It's one of those big ones that's like 1.5 inches big. Then I have to wear a beige visor. I only hate that because I don't like wearing hats and I've never worn a fucking visor in my damn life. The next is the apron we have to wear. Well, I love and hate the apron. I like it because it covers up most of the ugly uniform in the front but I hate the cut of it. It makes my breasts look all weird, like they're trying to eat the apron or something and my breasts aren't that big. There is also the fact that my shirt is too large and I could use it as a pajama shirt. My pants are also too big, I'm pretty sure I can slip them off without unzipping or unbuttoning them if I tried. The reason for the big shirts is because they're switching out the old ones and they still have to order more, so I really can't complain there. I just don't fucking know why my pants are too big, I'm just glad I didn't get fucking stuck with high waters.
Now it's time to jump back to my first day that did not happen. I was going to leave at 11:20 am to catch the bus at 11:45 am to get to work at 12:45 pm so that I could clock in at 2:00 pm. As I was getting ready to leave I couldn't find the ugly visor. By the time I found it and locked up the apartment it was 11:43 am and I knew I wasn't going to catch the 11:45 am bus. No worries though because there is another line that goes to the where I need to get going. That bus was to leave at 12:15 pm to get me there at 1:25 pm. So I'm waiting for the bus and the wind is blowing because the wind here in this city is a dick and all it does is blow. That made me glad that I have my over-sized park issued bomber jacket to keep me warm from the winds. I don't understand how these people go about in short-sleeved shirts ...
As I was waiting for the bus I was listening to M.I.A. because M.I.A. makes me happy. So I'm waiting and waiting and waiting and it's 12:20 and the bus should have been here by now. I'm thinking I'm fucked over if that bus is late because I've never rode on the busses over here and they're really inefficient because the only people that ride them are the Mexicans. All the stupid white people have their cars so they don't need the bus. I'm waiting and thinking to myself that if this was fucking LA that a damn fucking bus would have passed by now and that had me missing LA. Once it hit 11:30 and I was finished listening to Arular by M.I.A. I decided to check my cellphone to make sure I had the number to call just in case I was late.
I had two missed calls and two voicemails. The one call had an area code I didn't recognize and I was just like WTF? So I checked my voicemail and one is from my mom telling me to call her and that's not important information I'm just putting that in because I get paid per every word I type. The other call was an automated message informing me that the park has been closed early due to the fires and that if I was scheduled to work that I do not need to come in. There I was, at the bus stop and I was glad that I missed that 11:45 am bus or else I would have been half way to the park. After the message I immediately headed my ass back home.
That's how I'm lucky.
Last night I was stressing my self the fuck out and worrying about starting today and I was like hofuck the bus and goddamn this city and I hate everything. I was being a major pussy and I worried myself so much that I felt like I was going to throw up. I just get completely lost in new evironments and I don't know what the fuck to do. Fuck, I haven't even been in this goddamn city for a month so I don't know much about it except that the fucking white people on Prozac have giant ass cars and they all drive fucking crazy.
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