KOALA JUST LOVES TO TALK ABOUT TWALIGHT

I'm too lazy to delete the parts that aren't lulzy.
I saw that Pammy came in and I just wanted to be a bitch and diss Twilight in front of her. Gawd forbid you don't think the things she likes are the most amazing pieces of shit that you've ever come by. Sorry Pammy, but Twilight only exists to be mocked. And that is the truth. "'Trufax,' as they would on the internet." -- The Most Popular Book in the Whole World - Chapter 2: "My Life Is Over Now"

( My new favorite past time.  )

KOALA HAD A MAJOR WUTDAFUX TWATLIGHT MOMENT (even though they happen often)

It's just the book that keeps on giving. Yes, you know what I'm talking about.
Just FYI, this isn't going to be very lulzy. Well, I lie, it WILL be lulzy because of the source from where this comes.

Before we start the lulz I have a serious question to ask you.
Would you, at any time, condone the use of a substance for the purpose of which it was not intended to be used?

Now, the specifics of the question -- cuz sum of yous is wantin' moar 411z, AND I HATE YOU IF YOU DO!
You would use this substance incorrectly for the first and only time -- or so you claim. You also know that what you're doing is wrong and you personally don't approve of using in such a way. The only reason you're doing it is so that you would be able to be prepared for your undeclared date with the person you get wet over.

Would you still use that substance, whatever it may be (hay, you bitches get creative about what you're using and WHY you're using it), given this new information?

Well fuck, I still have to ask, eventhough most of you already know what I'm on about.


Here is an answer to the above question:
"I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime. I knew I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I'd never done before. I deliberatley took unnecessary cold medicine -- the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours. I normally wouldn't condone that type of behavious in myself, but tomorrow would be complicated enough without me being loopy from sleep deprivation on top of everything else. While I waited for the drugs to kick in, I dried my clean hair till it was impeccably straight, and fussed over what I would wear tomorrow. With everything ready for the morning, I finally lay in my bed. I felt hyper; I couldn't stop twitching. I got up and rifled through my shoebox of CDs until I found a collection of Chopin's nocturnes. I put that on very quietly and then lay down again, concentrating on relaxing individual parts of my body. Somewhere in the middle of that exercise, the cold pills took effect, and I gladly sank into unconciousness." 
                                 --- FROM THE BOOK THAT KEEPS ON GIVING 
                                     (Twilight)


There goes Stephenie Meyer, telling the youth of this generation that it's okay to abuse cold medicine if it's just for a one-time use. NICE GOING THAR CHICA! Let the next dilemma be how Bella hasn't eaten for a week because she's too nervouse for her OFFICIAL DATE with Eduardo McCullenz. Her remedy: taking a few hits from a doobie to mellow her out and give her the munchies. To the youth of the world: it's okay to abuse substances; only if you have a date, in which you may get some after, and you're really nervous about it.

I know that most people wouldn't agree to such a thing. Yes, even though it's cold medicine, but that's not the point. The point is that it could have been anything. Also, people really do abuse cold medicine and that is why all the good shit is under lock and key at stores. Well, it's also under lock because people cook meth with it, but that's not the point either. Just wanted to give Stephenie Meyer a congratulatory, "NICE JERB U DID THAR." Morals? What morals? I don't need them because I don't follow them!

Fucking, if Bella needed to sleep she should have read Twilight, oh wait that wouldn't work. Oh well, I suppose she could have a read a journal she wrote because she's sooooooo boring. Then again, with such a boring and normal life as hers I'm sure she wouldn't have been able to write anything. I just love how she skipped right down to the easiest option to solve her problem. Really everyone, that's how you should live life. Don't try other means to solve your problems and go straight to the easiest solution, even though that solution is obviously the wrong one.

Yeah, someone is going to come along (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) and say that I'm going over board with this thing. I admit that maybe I am, but fuck. These aren't messages that should be sent out to an easily influenced audience. I fail to see how this book was able to get published because this is the littlest thing that is flawed with this surprisingly best seller. I truly fear the world I live in today, because this book became a best seller. Future, I hope you never come. Please spare me the pain of having to live along with the stupidity that purchased this book.


Bonus: When Bella mentioned her twitching I was hoping she had overdosed on her cold medicine. My hopes were killed when I realized I was under half way through the book. Upon realizing that I wasn't even half way to the end I began to cry. I knew she wouldn't O.D., because that would have been INTERESTING and it would have created CONFLICT, but I still hoped for it.

FYI, I wouldn't have minded if the book was about drugs and substance abuse among teens, because that shit does happen in real life. But that isn't what the book is about. The only serious issue this book brings up is bad literature. I am convinced that this book only exists to be mocked.